


Darcy Lewis:Dinner Detective

by scratches



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain Marvel (2019), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Darcy/Bucky if you squint, Dinner Party, Gen, Pre-Bucky Barnes/Darcy Lewis, The Penalty Dinner, darcy is sherlock holmes, like really squint, so much fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25274977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scratches/pseuds/scratches
Summary: Is she the only one taking Loki's death seriously around here?!
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Darcy With the Pen in the Discord





	1. Intro to the Dinner by Sigridhr

You are cordially invited to the Penalty Dinner  
On account of having pissed me off.  
-Tony Stark

It was a dark and stormy night...Tony Stark’s currently least-favourite Avengers sat for dinner in the Avengers tower having no fun at all. It was by far the worst dinner party Darcy had ever been to. But that was unquestionably the point, given Tony had sealed the most unlikely (and in some cases unlikable) people in the Avengers initiative together in his locked tower and gone out for a fancy date night with Pepper, leaving them to glare at each other over entrees and listen to Loki complain endlessly about sauce. 

By the time they got to dessert, everyone in the room was ready to kill at least one other person (including Darcy), and no one was enjoying the Bread and Butter Pudding. When the lights went out suddenly, Darcy was - frankly - relieved. At least, until Loki screamed. It was a high pitched sort of scream that she wouldn’t have expected from him, but it was also a scream of absolute terror. The terror was contagious, and pretty soon everyone was stumbling around in the dark, faceplanting into the Riesling and generally falling on their faces. Carol, snapping her fingers began to glow an eerie gold and Wanda an even eerier scarlet. 

“I hate you all,” Darcy said, holding onto her shin which had expertly found the table in the dark. 

“Where’s Loki?” asked Bucky, who managed to sound both like he couldn’t care less and like he expected Loki to launch himself out of the fruit salad at them. 

The lights flickered back on, JARVIS whirring back to life with an unsettling hum. 

“My apologies,” he said, atonally. 

“Stark has got a lot to answer for,” grumbled Steve. 

“Not the least of which is the Salmon,” said Valkyrie drily. “Honestly, hollandaise?”

“What is it with you Asgardians and sauce?!” snapped Clint. “And Bucky’s right, I’d like to know where Loki is.” 

“Loki,” said JARVIS helpfully, “is no longer on the premises.”

“How come he got to leave?” asked Carol. 

“His corpse is presently decorating the foyer,” said JARVIS, even more helpfully.  
[12:56 PM]  
“His what?” said Wanda. 

“Body,” said JARVIS, “remains, cada---”

“Yes, thank you,” said Wanda, “I know what it means. Why is it there?”

“That I cannot answer,” said JARVIS. “My security feeds were disabled.” 

“Of course they were,” muttered Steve, who did sound a bit like he was approaching apoplexy.

“The building remains sealed, no one has entered or left,” Jarvis added.

“Convenient,” said Natasha. 

This, Darcy thought to herself, was the moment she’d been waiting her whole life for. Granted, she hadn’t really expected it to happen, but a lifetime of Agatha Christie novels and Sherlock Holmes series had been leading, inexorably, up to this point. It was clear now, what she had to do. 

“Guys,” she said, with all the dignity a person who had read Murder on the Orient Express more than five times could muster, “it’s time to split up and look for clues. The murderer is one of us.” 

She could hear Clint facepalming from the far side of the room.

He could facepalm all he wanted, that just meant more clues for her. The first rule of investigation was to leave no stone unturned. That meant everyone was a suspect: even Clint, with his facepalming, Steve with his extremely tired dad expression, Bucky who seemed to be chugging milk in an effort not to snap, Wanda who sat glowing furiously, if a bit worriedly in the corner, Carol who was chucking nuts at Valkyrie who was trying to catch them in her mouth, or Natasha, who had been exceptionally quiet throughout, and seemed to be eyeing the door in a way Darcy considered fairly reasonable. If Natasha hadn’t killed him, she was probably Darcy’s best ticket out (or even if she had. Did plucky girl detectives help murderers get away scott free in exchange for getting out of the worst dinner party slash murder ever?).

But most of all, she couldn’t rule out Loki himself. She’d heard the stories. He was probably the most likely suspect to his own demise.


	2. The Helipad

Deciding to start from the top, Darcy thought, was a good idea. In practice, it was _not_ such a good idea. The wind whipped her hair around on the helipad cause i to nest around her shoulders. The wind was so cold that Darcy was tearing up behind her glasses. 

While poking around the area, she started to hear pitiful meowing. Darcy knew that meow. Goose! How did he get up here? She moved around the tarmac and looked around different vents, boxes, and other machinery until she found the little orange Flerken.

He looked up at her with big green eyes and let out another pitiful meow. "Goose! How'd you get up here all by yourself‽"

The wind was so loud she didn't hear the boot steps coming up behind her. Only when Goose darted between her legs did she turn. 

"Thanks for finding him, Darcy," Valkyrie smiled. Goose leaped onto her shoulder and rubbed his head against her shaved head. 

Darcy narrowed her eyes. Had Valkyrie followed her up here? Was _she_ the killer? Was Darcy _already_ getting paranoid?

Could it have been Valkyrie on the helipad with a Flerken?


	3. The Gym

Darcy wasn't ashamed to admit that she was easily distracted. After she followed Valkyrie off the Helipad, they made their way down three levels to Pepper's office. Unfortunately, the CEO was on the phone coordinating _something_.

Darcy didn't want to be a part of that. Valkyrie left the elevator and Darcy continued her journey down. Maybe the Gym?

She finally found her way there and stared. The two men sparring definitely weren't clues to the murder that happened, but Darcy was still going to do some investigating.

Steve held his shield held with one arm over his head and Darcy took a step back as the sword Bucky was holding clanged into it. 

Valkyrie's light weight sword was wielded nimbly by Bucky and Darcy's mouth dropped. She didn't know that wielding archaic weaponry was a skill that Bucky had.

When Steve and Bucky had caught her staring, Darcy eep'ed and stopped her recon at the gym. Solving a murder took energy. Maybe not physical energy, but mental energy, and everyone had been right, the salmon at dinner had been off a little. With a fancy twist of the sword, Bucky winked at her before dodging an attack from Steve.

Could it possibly be? No, not Bucky in the gym with a sword!


	4. The Kitchen

Sighing, Darcy made her way to the kitchen and saw Carol. She stood at the island concocting a sandwich of epic proportion. "Would you like a bit?" Carol asked before putting the mayonnaise smeared bun of the hoagie roll on top. "There's plenty."

Her smile was bright and cheerful, definitely not the face of someone who just killed a man. Then again, Darcy thought, everyone around her has killed. She narrowed her eyes at Carol and she held her hands up in a 'don't shoot' stance. "Is that a murder sandwich?"

Carol dropped her hands and laughed, "Just an Italian grinder." She pulled a piece of salami out of the wax paper and ate it. "Like I said, plenty to go around "

Darcy thought for a moment, a free sandwich was a free sandwich even if it was a murder sandwich. With her stomach giving an audible growl, they both looked at it and Darcy gave in. "I guess a bit of sandwich won't hurt."

Carol says, "Fantastic! Let me clear some of this up." She picked up the packages of meat and cheese and moved to out then back into the fridge.

Darcy's eyes widened. Under one of the packages a Widows Bite sat. It gleamed under the bright lights and mocked her. It _was_ a murder sandwich. It had to have been Carol in the kitchen with Natasha's Widow Bites.


	5. The Vents

Clint stopped Darcy as she waved the Widow Bites in Carol's face. With trouble Clint was able to direct Darcy out of the kitchen and towards a large vent cover down the hall. "You need to chillax, kid."

"Are you putting me in time out?" Darcy huffed, following Clint into the large vent.

"You need to clear your head, you're thinking too much about it," Clint laughed and jumped into another vent. 

Darcy wrapped her hand around his biceps and let him pull her up. "Someone was _murdered_!" Darcy exclaimed. 

"I mean, was he really that great of a guy?" Clint shrugged. Darcy had nothing to say. Loki _had_ brainwashed Clint. And Clint had killed a bunch of his SHIELD co-workers because of it. 

"Don't you think we should be a little more worried?" Darcy asked as they finally settled down in his nest. 

Goose meowed at her from under a blanket. "He keeps getting in here." Clint rolled his eyes. "Natasha had to get him last time, doesn't trust me at all."

Darcy watched a tentacle wave ominously at them from beneath the pillow. "...really?"

Clint inspects an arrow that was sticking out of a black pillow. "I didn't leave this here....."

"Do you think it's a clue?" Darcy lifted the pillow Goose was under and held it to her chest.

"I mean, the only person that know where this nest is, is Natasha."

Darcy looked around the vent and wondered, _Could it have been Natasha in the vent with a trick arrow?_


	6. The Elevator

Goose was light in her arms, lighter than most cats his size. Darcy _knows_ he is a Flerken and there is a multiverse hidden inside of him but he is just so cute and smooshy that Darcy _forgets_.

Clint stood next to her with the arrow rolling in his hands. At his waist, Natasha's Widow Bites dangle, "Do you really think it's a clue, Darcy?"

"What else could it be‽" Goose meowed next to her ear where she has him cuddled.

"It could just be Natasha playing a prank?" Clint leaned heavily against the wall. 

Darcy rolled her eyes heavily, "Would she really though?"

The doors opened with a rusty creak. Bucky and Steve, sweaty and laughing, greet them warmly. "What do you have there?" Steve finally asked Clint.

"Arrow. Found it laying around." Clint held it out to Steve.

"It's a clue!" Darcy exclaimed.

"You're _really_ trying to find the killer?" Steve asked before holding the arrow up to inspect it at eye level. 

Goose yowled over her shoulder before scrambling over her and launching himself into Bucky's arms. "Are we really that bad off with out him?" the former assassin asked.

Darcy clenched her hands. "That is Thor's brother that is dead!" 

Goose rubbed his head against Bucky's face and continued to meow. "But he ain't that great of a guy, doll."

"Probably going to come back from the dead again anyway," Steve sighed. "It'll be what? The fourth time?" 

Clint shrugged and Darcy narrowed her eyes at them before noticing a dent in the wall. "What...." She pushed Bucky aside and motioned to it, "Human-Like shape!" 

The three men stared and Goose continued to yowl as Darcy made another conjecture:

Could Loki have fought someone in _this_ elevator? Could his magic have gone awry?


	7. The Lounge

The four people plus Flerken make their way into the lounge. It was dark, only the recessed lights over the fireplace lit. They cast an eerie glow around the room.

"Jarvis, lights!" Steve said.

"Certainly sir!" 

When the lights glowed on, Darcy watched Bucky fall onto a deep couch and cuddle up to Goose. "Yeah, he doesn't like men," Darcy rolled her eyes and sat across from him.

Clint sat in an arm chair and sighed, his arrow across his knees. "Do you think The Elevator could have been...?"

"I mean, something happened in there," Darcy sighed. Steve came up behind her and leaned heavily on the back of her chair. "I mean, where else could it have happened?"

Steve shook the back of her chair and Darcy looked up at him, "Anywhere, right?" 

"Even here?" Darcy asked.

"Even here," Steve laughed. He swept his arm around the room. "It's big enough."

Darcy let her eye wander the room. Most things looked like they were in their place, but once she looked at the WunderKammern, that Tony had installed as a joke, she noticed something new.

"Guys!" Darcy stood and ran to the cabinet. "These were not here earlier!"

She opened the glass and pulled out Loki's helmet. One of the horns was bent to the side and the front was crushed. No average person had the strength to damage it like this. "Do you think...?"

Bucky was next to her in an instant. "Another clue!" Bucky cawed happily and Goose yowled again.

Who had the strength for something like this. Who looked over joyed at the demise of Loki? Could Steve really have been the culprit with just his bare hands in the lounge?


	8. The Laboratory

Goose clawed his way out of Bucky's arms and tore ass out of the lounge. The four people ran after him. Darcy had been impressed when Goose's tentacles were able to open the fire door of the stairs...both times.

Bent in half and huffing, she was the last one to join everyone in The Laboratory. Jane was passed out in the corner, a bit of drool staining the futon and Wanda looked down at Goose. The Flerken sat at her feet and meowed up at her.

"Don't fall for it!" Clint said.

"It's just Goose," Wanda rolled her eyes. She crouched down and rubbed her hand across his thick fur. 

Goose didn't want to be in Wanda's arms, they found out, he wanted to jump onto Jane's lap and sleep. "This is why I have a dog!" Clint pointed at Goose, "You never know what they'll do next."

Darcy finally straightened up and held herself by a lab bench. The room turned and stared as a glass broke on the floor. "What?" Darcy looked down and saw while milk soaking into her black flats. "What the crap. She's not allowed to have uncovered beverages in here!" Could Wanda have planted a magic glass of milk to trick Loki into drinking it? Did she have murder milk on her feet?!?!


	9. The Bedroom

Her hands held her soaking wet shoes. The rancid smell of rotten milk was making her stomach turn. Darcy tossed the shoes into the sink in her bedroom and turned the hot water on. Maybe she would be able to get the stench out of them someday. 

After rinsing them, Darcy flopped onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. The painting was beautiful, she thought that since arriving as a guest. But looking up now, it was a little off. There were more black streaks than usual. 

She narrowed her eyes before picking up her phone and taking a photograph. She texted it to Natasha and waited. Maybe she would help with the investigation. Natasha was _serious_. 

Her eyes were stilled fixed on the marks when Natasha pushed her door open. "You found some more evidence?"

Darcy pointed up at the painting and shook her head. "It could be nothing."

Natasha nodded before pulling Darcy's tall dresser over. With ease, Natasha climbed onto it and started to push at the black marks. "It's sooty."

Darcy was on her knees in an instant, "So not paint?"

Natasha sniffed it, "Not dust either." She sniffed it again and rubbed it between her fingers. "It's burned paint and plaster."

"Like a fire?"

"Or magic."

Who would Loki be fighting that he would need that much magical power against in her bedroom?


	10. The Bar

Natasha convinced Darcy that what she really needed was a cold drink. Nat was shaking something fruity and alcoholic in a frosty shaker asking her about the investigation.

"I thought I had it in the lounge, but the clues don't add up."

"Why?" Natasha uncapped the shaker and poured the bright blue concoction over ice into a hurricane glass. "The arrow. The widow Bites. The crushed helmet. What do they all have to do with one another."

Darcy took a long swallow of the drink as she thought. "The magic. Or Pulsars? Can Carol control her power like that just to do that?"

"Loki can," Natasha cocked her hip and took a sip of her own drink.

"You made Bahama Mama's without us?" Clink called as he, Steve, Bucky, and Wanda wandered into the bar.

"What's a Bahama Mama?" Wanda asked.

It devolved from there with Natasha mixing drinks for the crew. After she poured their drinks, Carol and Valkyrie made their way in too. Thankfully, they were fine with Tony's fancy beer collection.

"So what do you think," Bucky sat next to her. He sipped lightly at the drink.

"I don't know anymore." She was tired and even though the drink is delicious, she hasn't been able to put it all together.

"Do you think _this_ could be the spot?" He was humoring her, Darcy noted.

"You don't have to make fun of me, I know all of you are doing it." She placed her glass on the bar and it wobbled. "What the heck," she tried to catch it before it fell over in the dent. "What happened here?"

The blue drink pooled in the large dent when Bucky stood and really looked at it. "Looks like Steve's Shield has been here."

His conjecture had Darcy fretting. It really _was_ Steve and his shield against Loki, she didn't want to believe it!


	11. Pepper's Office

Darcy moved everyone from the bar to Pepper's office. Pepper was nowhere to be found, but Darcy sat in her luxury leather chair, feeling powerful. She had solved the case. 

"I have gathered you all here today.." everyone turned as Pepper's door swung open, a lone tentacle waving at them. "Goose! What the heck dude, you're interrupting."

Darcy sighed and watched the Flerken skip over Carol and jump into Bucky's arms. Her eyes widen.... Maybe her first conjecture hadn't been right! Watching him scratch Goose with his prosthetic fingers...it's like everything falls together.

Goose in time out on the Helipad.  
Bucky with his vast knowledge of different weaponry.  
If Natasha knew of Clint's nest, most likely Bucky knew too! He _was_ the type to play a prank on the archer!  
The large body print in the elevator, a print that a vibranium arm could make after shoving a man into it!  
Had Loki tried to fight off Goose and Bucky in her bedroom?  
Carol _did_ have a tendency to borrow Natasha's gear.  
The vibranium hand could crush Loki's helmet!  
The milk? Bucky was always drinking it! The lack of chocolate mixed in had thrown her off.  
His arm would have made the dent in the bar! That sneak!

Darcy stood from the chair and looked at the man and Flerken. "It was you, Bucky, you and Goose. You tag teamed and took Loki down in the bar while we were trying to eat next door!"

He shrugged in his Bucky way and Goose let out a loud yowl, proud of himself.


End file.
